Well a lot has been going through. Earlier, i used to be a motivating factor for others. They used to be impressed by my hard work and effort i put in everything.
Since i have resigned. I have been doing almost NOTHING. yes its true. ( jealous much ? nah i thought so )
Well since my graduation, i had never been free. Indeed i had taken the time off from work and stayed at home and did nothing again. But that was different. Even leave without pay would ensure some cash flow for me.
Now i am all broke and i dont have the sudden urge to go online and add something to cart. ( yes, i miss the power of e-commerce) and also the craze to try every new restaurant in town ( its a small city where i live. well not that small . but its nice and warm. more on that later)
So, i dont venture out much, Stay at home, drink my cup of tea or cups of tea, low intake of food as i dont feel hungry all the time. ( still managed to gain few pounds...give or take). And since i am all vehla (idle) so i think a lot. And this thinking starts just seconds before i rest my head on my pillow.
There used to be nights or i should say days ( i used to work nights earlier, so managed sleep during day time... its great and everything ) when as soon as i would lie on bed i would doze off. No dreams or nightmares and i wouldnt have to turn sides and it used to be peaceful. It was indeed nice because i used to be tired from the hardwork and everything.
Now since i am all free i even drive to the market to get stuff ( i am a lazy bum... market is just 3 blocks away :( ) And i wander at night. I wander till 4 am. I wish i could blame it all for the past 45 months sleep pattern ( thats the number of months i spent in my previous job). I lay awake, twisting and turning and i have tried counting sheep, reading and what not and i dont get sleep until and unless my eyes can no longer stay wide open. Weird thoughts run through my mind. Because of my relationship turmoil last year, i have successfully sabotaged my post grad. I am not proud or regretting it. So, yes it may be the prime cause of me from my rem sleep .
So i decided i would tire myself out. I got ready in the evening for a stroll. i tried a number so that i could talk to someone while i casually strolled in the park alone. But i was ignored. So i plugged in the ear phones and listened to my play list on my cell. Thank God for this option and for loners like me. It is a blessing in diguise.
While at park i stumbled to look at one of my neighbours daughter. she is mute since birth and two years ago she was finally married off. Here in India handicapped people dont have much financial or any other moral support from govt. Anyways she was holding a cell phone in her hand. I was minding my own work and i didnt even notice that why would she own a cell phone. Since she is mute, she cannot hear anyone speak something to her through the cell and also she cannot reply or say anything.
As i was about to pass her by, she recognized me ( i have known her through some mere acquaintance only ) and held her cell in front of me. A quick glance and i noticed she was on a video conf call with her husband. I was amazed and was happy at the same time for her. Although voice calling isnt that economical but seeing this made me happy. She made the sound of shaadi (marriage) from her mouth and i understood that she wanted me to know that she is married to the person who is on the other end of the call. I gave her a side hug and walked on.
The sight and everything happening around me was inspirational.
I tend to draw and learn lessons from life. I need not learn things from my own life experiences. Sometimes, while watching a movie or a tv serial or for that matter of fact meeting someone. One can easily interpret life and its metaphorical lessons.
I just learned i shouldnt be unhappy about anything. God has blessed me with almost everything. Surely i have nothing to feel handicapped about. But she was happy and at peace and i was not. Its just that i have a hunger for things immaterial. I wish to change that.
Also i want to bow my head down in gratitude to the higher power who has chosen me to have everything that one needs. I can walk, talk,eat, speak, run and do almost everything.
so i should have a dream and chase after it.
it is wise to say that one should have dreams in their eyes and they should keep you awake at night.
Peace !!
PS: Dad gave viral to sis and mum. Lil bro is sick too. I hope i am not following into the footsteps.
Since i have resigned. I have been doing almost NOTHING. yes its true. ( jealous much ? nah i thought so )
Well since my graduation, i had never been free. Indeed i had taken the time off from work and stayed at home and did nothing again. But that was different. Even leave without pay would ensure some cash flow for me.
Now i am all broke and i dont have the sudden urge to go online and add something to cart. ( yes, i miss the power of e-commerce) and also the craze to try every new restaurant in town ( its a small city where i live. well not that small . but its nice and warm. more on that later)
So, i dont venture out much, Stay at home, drink my cup of tea or cups of tea, low intake of food as i dont feel hungry all the time. ( still managed to gain few pounds...give or take). And since i am all vehla (idle) so i think a lot. And this thinking starts just seconds before i rest my head on my pillow.
There used to be nights or i should say days ( i used to work nights earlier, so managed sleep during day time... its great and everything ) when as soon as i would lie on bed i would doze off. No dreams or nightmares and i wouldnt have to turn sides and it used to be peaceful. It was indeed nice because i used to be tired from the hardwork and everything.
Now since i am all free i even drive to the market to get stuff ( i am a lazy bum... market is just 3 blocks away :( ) And i wander at night. I wander till 4 am. I wish i could blame it all for the past 45 months sleep pattern ( thats the number of months i spent in my previous job). I lay awake, twisting and turning and i have tried counting sheep, reading and what not and i dont get sleep until and unless my eyes can no longer stay wide open. Weird thoughts run through my mind. Because of my relationship turmoil last year, i have successfully sabotaged my post grad. I am not proud or regretting it. So, yes it may be the prime cause of me from my rem sleep .
So i decided i would tire myself out. I got ready in the evening for a stroll. i tried a number so that i could talk to someone while i casually strolled in the park alone. But i was ignored. So i plugged in the ear phones and listened to my play list on my cell. Thank God for this option and for loners like me. It is a blessing in diguise.
While at park i stumbled to look at one of my neighbours daughter. she is mute since birth and two years ago she was finally married off. Here in India handicapped people dont have much financial or any other moral support from govt. Anyways she was holding a cell phone in her hand. I was minding my own work and i didnt even notice that why would she own a cell phone. Since she is mute, she cannot hear anyone speak something to her through the cell and also she cannot reply or say anything.
As i was about to pass her by, she recognized me ( i have known her through some mere acquaintance only ) and held her cell in front of me. A quick glance and i noticed she was on a video conf call with her husband. I was amazed and was happy at the same time for her. Although voice calling isnt that economical but seeing this made me happy. She made the sound of shaadi (marriage) from her mouth and i understood that she wanted me to know that she is married to the person who is on the other end of the call. I gave her a side hug and walked on.
The sight and everything happening around me was inspirational.
I tend to draw and learn lessons from life. I need not learn things from my own life experiences. Sometimes, while watching a movie or a tv serial or for that matter of fact meeting someone. One can easily interpret life and its metaphorical lessons.
I just learned i shouldnt be unhappy about anything. God has blessed me with almost everything. Surely i have nothing to feel handicapped about. But she was happy and at peace and i was not. Its just that i have a hunger for things immaterial. I wish to change that.
Also i want to bow my head down in gratitude to the higher power who has chosen me to have everything that one needs. I can walk, talk,eat, speak, run and do almost everything.
so i should have a dream and chase after it.
it is wise to say that one should have dreams in their eyes and they should keep you awake at night.
Peace !!
PS: Dad gave viral to sis and mum. Lil bro is sick too. I hope i am not following into the footsteps.
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